If I Could Tell An Alcoholic One Thing
- wrenrwaters
- Oct 18, 2021
- 2 min read
If I could tell an alcoholic one thing...
It might seem like there is far, far more than "one thing" to tell an alcoholic and yes, of course there is. But if I could tell him one thing and be guaranteed he would hear it, this is what I would tell him:
It doesn't matter how much you do - even if you've been doing nothing.
It doesn't matter how nice you are - even if you've been mean and cruel.
It doesn't matter how many little things you think of - even if you've only been thinking of yourself since forever.
Nothing you do or say, fix or make, clean, install, throw away, invent, create, manage - whatever - there is not a single, solitary THING in the world that will be of any value or pleasure or solace to those around you...
If you're still drinking.
My husband has been "trying" lately. To finish things around the house. Be more present. Do things he said he was going to do. But tonight when I came home, of course, I could tell he had been drinking. Not horrible, hostile, falling down drunk, cussing me out drinking but drinking none the less. And so as he was showing me - with much pride I must add - the things he had gotten done, I wanted to say,
"So? You've been drinking."
I don't think addicts will ever get it.
In fact, I probably wouldn't believe any addict that said he "knows" or "understands" what it is he put(s) his family through. The only way I would believe an addict got it was if he said,
"I can't even begin to fully comprehend what I put my family through."
That would be the sentiment of an addict who "got it."
you would be giving your kids a real gift of a healthy father even if. you can't reconnect and save the marriage after that year...he might step up and do what is needed to get help.
If I had to do it over again - I might go ahead and file for a legal separation - hence giving him 1 year to figure out what to do with his life - change or divorce, etc. Draw a line, no promises - commit to therapy during the process of the year, etc. This way you would have the financial means to leave and he would feel like there is hope to save his life, his pride and get help and you might consider therapy and working on things. Good luck. Don't suffer. Do something sweet Wren.
The only way my h. finally realized he needed to change his life - something really uncomfortable and bad had to happen. What I have realized now is that by staying and living with my pain in this marriage we all paid the price - and if I had to over it again I would have left and made him uncomfortable and bad by changing his life by leaving - he could no longer live in the false dream that "everything was ok" because he was providing for his family. This move alone would have said me years of suffering and might have helped him realize sooner that he needed to save his own life by getting help, admitting his…