In Case You Are Wondering....
You do deserve more.
Even if he stops drinking.
Even if he does an inpatient rehab.
Even if he goes to AA.
Or some other program.
Even if he dedicates himself to his sobriety.
You deserve more because here's a dirty little secret about recovery that no one will really talk about:
He can get as sober as a newborn baby...
He can go five, ten, 20 years or longer without so much a drop of alcohol...
He can work the "steps," find God, lose 50 pounds and start running marathons...
He can never, ever, ever even THINK about drinking again...
But if his recovery from alcoholism doesn't involve your recovery from his alcoholism...
Nothing is going to change for you, within you or about the marriage.
It's a well known "folk tale" that men will quit drinking, go to AA and get truly sober and their wives leave them "anyway."
"Anyway" in quotes because the assumption by a lot of alcoholic husbands is "I got sober and she STILL left me."
"I got sober but it was too late."
" I got sober but I could never truly acknowledge what my drinking did to her."
" I got sober but failed to see how my recovery didn't include her, our marriage."
"I got sober and she left me anyway."
Did your husband quit drinking?
Is he "really trying?"
Has the drinking slowed down?
Has he adjusted his behavior to where it's not "as bad?" So what.
This is where we get stuck, you and me.
We are kind, compassionate women.
So we start thinking,
"It was a nice day today."
"He wasn't drunk all weekend."
Guess what? Marriage is - or at least should be - about more than just your spouse not being drunk one weekend or being nice or not being "as bad."
Marriage is even about more than him "really trying."
Marriage is about a partner who lifts you up.
Makes you feel whole and loved, seen and appreciated.
It's about giving love and receiving love.
It's about someone recognizing in you all you have to share....
And feeling so damn blessed that you are choosing to share it with him.
Marriage to an alcoholic is like eating mud...
And feeling grateful when someone gives you an old potato.
I don't care how much weight you've gained or how angry you've become or how resentful you feel...
I don't care how bad you have acted or what words you've said but shouldn't have...
I don't care how lost you've become from your authentic self and life.
You deserve someone who can and will love you fully.
And if your husband's recovery does not include regaining your trust and proving his love and reaffirming his love for you in a way that is more than JUST not drinking any more....
You deserve so much more.