I Hate Who I Have Become
I hate who I have become as a result of my marriage.
I am an angry, volatile, raging person.
But mostly on the inside.
This is a problem.
Because when the inside can no longer contain the rage and the anger, guess where it goes? Guess who it is directed at? Yep.
My children. My pets. My home.
I can go out into the world and be this very present, very pleasant, kind, open, engaging person.
And then I get home....
It's not that the outside-world me is false and the at-home me is genuine.
It's not that the at-home me is false and the outside-world me is genuine.
They are both genuine.
They are both me.
But one doesn't belong.
I am just So. FUCKING! Angry deep down inside.
He's ruined EVERYTHING.
And yet I know.
I know I can no longer blame him or hold him responsible.
He may have been the one to run over me with a steamroller.
But I'm the one who's not getting up.