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  • wrenrwaters

Happy Father's Day?

Happy Father's Day? It's more a question than a statement in the alcoholic household, isn't it?

How do you celebrate a father that isn't a particularly good father? It's harsh to say that and it hurts me to make such a statement but can I say my husband is the father I once thought he'd be? The father I saw in him when he first held our babies or went hiking with them or attended "doughnuts for dads" at their preschools?

The truth is he's not that father I thought he'd be, the father he started out to be, the father I wanted for my children. He goes to work everyday. Pays the bills. Ensures they can have the things they need - food, shelter, clothing and the things they want - clothes, vacations, once toys - now electronics. He's home every night. He doesn't squander the mortgage money on booze or bounce from job to job. They don't fear having utilities shut off or police coming to the house.

But who ever wanted the bare minimum in their children's father?

We'll go to dinner tomorrow. I'll take the kids to buy him some presents though no one will have any idea "what to get dad." (Another ramification of having a father that doesn't really have any hobbies or pursue any interests.) He'll say "thank you" though I'll wonder if he felt slighted, as if we (I?) hadn't done enough. I use to worry more about this but I'm past it now. I"ll go through the day's motions and be glad when it's over.

One more thing destroyed by his drinking.

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I have been married to my alcoholic husband for over 20 years now. (So hard to believe and comprehend where that time went.) I have felt SO MANY things in these years of marriage. Disbelief. Rage.

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