Before You're Ready
I always feel so self conscious when I write about how I am "really" ready to finally make the focused and determined effort required to leave my husband. It seems I have claimed to be "really ready" for many years now.
And then it finally came to me!
I am not "really" ready to leave him. I am never going to be "really" ready to leave him. We are never "really" ready to do anything that brings about great, albeit it positive and even much longed for, change in our lives and/or selves.
Is it because I still love him? Still have hope? Forgive him?
No, none of that.
In fact, me being "really" ready or not "really" ready has nothing to do with him at all.
Are you ever "really" ready for Christmas to arrive? Your kids birthday parties? Graduation celebrations? Thanksgiving, Halloween, Easter? Hanukkah or Passover? A wedding? Vacation? House guests?
No, you get ready by the event or person showing up. Without time and the inescapable arrival of December 25 or Aunt Mabel, there'd always be one more present to buy or piece of stemware to polish.
Unfortunately, when it comes to matters like your life slipping away from you, there is no Santa Claus or persnickety relative to force your readiness. It's not just those of us married to alcoholics. Lots of people are losing their lives to the passage of time as they wait to get "really" ready. Really ready to lose weight. Really ready to exercise. Really ready to look for a new job. Really ready to dive into that business idea.
News flash: There is no such thing as Really Ready. You will never be Really Ready to do anything that is scary and adventurous and that shakes your life up in the best possible way. Really ready isn't a prequel: it's a sequel. Something you can only experience in hindsight. Stop thinking or expecting, hoping or requiring to feel "really" ready.
Mostly ready is all you need.
(And all you're going to get.)